I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
