he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
