I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this beer tastes like vomit already
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
