there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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