You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think a kid would responsible me up
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Damn victory sex feels great
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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