she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got carded by a ten year old.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
