are you still at the devil's house?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Even my vagina gasped.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
