Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
