You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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