he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
