Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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