Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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