i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
