Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
