Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
