How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
