I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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