I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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