I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
