I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
