Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
