I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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