Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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