I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
