On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
