ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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