I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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