You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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