Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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