Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
