i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
