Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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