im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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