May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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