he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
