I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
