im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
