If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
