ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
