i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
