someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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