I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
