i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
