Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
