he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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