he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
