How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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