I want to have your abortion
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
