Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
