i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
