i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
