why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
