so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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