A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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