i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
