Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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