we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
