I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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