I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
