i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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