We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
