Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
