So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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