A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
