You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
