Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
