her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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