i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
