called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
