i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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