Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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