There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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