you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
