I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
