If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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