I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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