This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
