Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
