Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
