i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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