I am in a vortex of obligation.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
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I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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