Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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