Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
