My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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