today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
