I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
