I smell stomach acid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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