u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
