Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
