fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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