It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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