Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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